One thought experiment I used to run on myself in high school would be something like this: “what are perfect words in the correct order I could say to the perfect person to get exactly x” and typically x would be something like a sum of money. Another version would be something like, “what are the exact actions I could take right now to get exactly what I want” and usually “what I want” would be a large sum of money. The thought experiments never led anywhere, but it was interesting to think about. Maybe there is a perfect set of words I could say to the exactly right person to get exactly what I want, that would be amazing. Unfortunately that’s not how life works, but I think the meta conversation around this thought experiment reveals something about life and that’s what I want to explore here.
This is a tweet I am somewhat inspired by as it is partially true and taking action upon this belief will probably lead to better results than not, so it’s best to err on the side of just believing it as placebo. However, it’s really only partially true. Technically, my most “optimal” action right now would be to do something like enter exactly these credentials into this banking or cryptocurrency app and transfer their funds into my account via x method that masks my identity and thus I have all the money I want without working (let’s just ignore morals for this thought experiment). However, having access to something does not mean I will know how to use it to the best of its ability or even know to use it at all. It could be hidden somehow, or be so out of touch it seems impossible to access. This is why this mindset might be dangerous, we delude ourselves into thinking we could always be acting optimally,resulting in a toxic mindset of shame.
One might think this is the mindset of highly successful people, those who have achieved great things always act optimally and correct, right? Wrong! Highly successful people are successful because of failure, iteration, and practice. It is a delusion to believe we can knowingly act optimally in every action we take, and it is a dangerous one. The optimal actions are only seemingly optimal because of iteration through failure and practice, meaning, every “failure” before the seemingly optimal action actually is needed to reach it. The highly successful people are where they are because of years of building things, collecting information, and iterating upon that. Failure becomes a natural emergence, thus it is needed to reframe how we view failure so we can build upon it instead of allowing it to tear us down.
You need to start reframing failure as something else. The word failure is toxic in of itself. It implies failure is even real, and a negative thing. It also implies when you don’t reach x, you have failed. What a ridiculous thing to think. When we run experiments, whether in an academic setting or an amateur setting, we don’t say the experiment has failed because we didn’t reach x, we realize we now have new data and information to act upon and to iterate upon.
Failure is just the collection of new information to iterate upon. By iteration I mean to improve upon. When I do x and I “fail,” I now have new information to collect and to analyze in order to improve myself. Failure is not real and it cannot hurt you, only make you stronger (unless you fall into the toxic mindset that failure is real, which most people find themselves in).
You start by re framing your relationship to “failure” and realizing it doesn’t really exist. All failure in your mind is really just iteration and practice. You need to rid your toxic mindset of fear of failure and realize you should have confidence in what you do. This is cultivated through years of practice and reprogramming. People who had a support system that pushed for hard work and self love through their younger years will have a much easier time doing this.
You need affirmations, you need embodiment. It will feel forced in the beginning but once you start re framing failure every time you think it happens, you get 1% better and add 1% more trust in yourself. Constantly tell yourself failure is practice, failure is iteration and I promise it will get much easier over time.
Caveat: you need to deliver results. You cannot remain idol, build nothing, do nothing, and expect to get results. We only grow through our suffering, and “failure” is part of that. Reprogramming yourself will create a feedback loop in wanting to do more and wanting to learn more. It’s all the same.
So, after all this, the answer to the original thought experiment would go something like this: There’s probably no perfect set of words I could say to x person to get exactly what I want, but the only way I will find out is through doing things, failure, and iteration.